Opening Up

This March (I can’t remember the exact Sunday) will make forty years since I made a public profession of faith and was baptized. I had been in church pretty much every Sunday (and most Wednesdays) of my life. I had been taught the Bible and I honestly believed it at the time. For the record, I still do. By the time I was 24 and in my first year of Bible College I felt as if my whole life had been a sham. Even though I never doubted what I had been taught in church I was not living my life like I believed it. I was rebaptized one Wednesday night (once again I don’t remember the actual date) by my dear friend Mickey Witcher. I wish I could say that was the moment I gave myself to Jesus completely but it wasn’t.

I have struggled with my faith constantly all throughout my life. I have been a living example of Paul’s words in Romans 7:14-25. I can’t begin to count the times I have done the things I knew I shouldn’t do or the times I didn’t do the things I knew I should. I would imagine that most of us feel that way. For the longest time I let guilt cripple me. I would sit and think about all those years I called myself a Christian but didn’t live it out, much less share my faith with my friends. I would think of all the missed opportunities.

I am now 50 and would be lying if I say that I have finally worked all of that out of my system. I do believe that I have learned to live in God’s grace and cherish the second chances that He gives me every single day. There are still those days when I think about all the times that I denied Jesus by my actions. That is when I am so thankful for Jesus and the forgiveness that he provides. That is also why I am slowly starting to understand the Holy Spirit a little more with each breath I take.I can feel Him convict me when I start to swerve off course. I can feel His strength help me overcome those things in my life that distract me and try to trip me up. Do I still miss the mark? Absolutely. However, I continue to walk in God’s immeasurable grace. I continue to deny myself, take up my cross, and follow Jesus. It is a daily decision and I thank God that He gives me the strength to do it.

I know this a lengthy post but I just felt like someone else might need to hear this. I pray that this doesn’t come off as pretentious or self-righteous. I consider myself in the same boat as Paul when he referred to himself as the chief of all sinnners. I know that I have been encouraged in my faith by those who were open and honest and shared their struggles. It helped me to know that I was not alone. That is my hope and prayer for whoever may read this.

Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.