Getting To The Point

My buddy Paul is the one who introduced me to the music of Electric Light Orchestra back in sixth grade. There are times when it feels just like yesterday, even though I have lived three-fourths of my life since then. It is hard to believe that it has been 40 years since we first sat on the floor of his house in Nashville, North Carolina, playing K.C. Munchkin on his Magnavox Odessey II. For those of you who may be unfamiliar, it was a first generation gaming console that was out at the same time as the Atari 2600.  K.C. Munchkin was their take on Pac-Man. It wasn’t much better than the Atari version but it did give you the option to create your own mazes, which was pretty cool at the time.

Paul has two older sisters but to be honest, I don’t remember seeing them much. I am sure that I must have at least bumped into them a time or two but I don’t recall it. What I do remember is that one of them had some Electric Light Orchestra albums on 8-track tapes. This is another detail that I may be confusing after 40 years. I think they belonged to one of his sisters but for all I know, they could have been his. He will have to chime in and set the record straight. The three albums I remember listening to were: Out Of The Blue, Discovery, and the soundtrack to Xanadu. I was immediately hooked and got their newest album (Time) for Christmas that year. I have discussed that particular album many times and in great detail. It may not be considered their greatest work, but for many people of my generation it is their best album. It is probably my favorite album of all time.

I have told many people that sixth grade was one of the defining moments in my life. It was the best year of my childhood and I don’t even have to stop and think about it. It really is the point at which most of my memories begin. I can recall various things from my early childhood but for the most part, I don’t remember much about it. Third grade sticks out for several reasons. The most notable one is the loss of my unborn sister Katherine. That is a moment that has never left me and I doubt that it ever will. I do remember certain teachers and a handful of friends between kindergarten and fifth grade but it’s not until sixth grade that I have vivid recollections. I don’t know if that’s weird or not. Paul and I have even discussed this and he has a similar experience. I don’t know what it was about that year that has made it so pivotal. I can’t begin to explain it. It just is.

Perhaps it is because it was so short-lived. I changed schools the next year and Paul moved to Kansas the following year. We did still hang out and do things during seventh grade but it wasn’t quite the same. Our little clique had been split up. Some of us stayed at the same school and some of us were shipped off. I do remember the first part of seventh grade being absolutely dreadful. I am somewhat embarrassed to admit it now, but I cried for the first week or so. I hated leaving my friends and I wasn’t too terribly excited about making new ones. I eventually did and before too long, Paul and I had lost touch with one another. It’s one of those things that happen in life and it shouldn’t surprise anyone. Two years earlier I would have laughed at anyone who would have even suggested such an absurd idea.

You may be thinking, “Great story, but what does it have to do with the song you posted?” I’m glad you asked.

Sometime during the Nineties, Paul and I reconnected. I don’t remember the exact year but I know it was after I got married but before Geo was born. I want to say it was around 1993 or so. Perhaps Paul could chime in here as well. I know that we had started to correspond sporadically by the time I went to Bible college the first time. That was August of 1994. We would write the occasional letter and include a mix tape. It wasn’t regular correspondence by any stretch of the imagination, but it was a start. There was another lull between us until social media began to take off and we connected through various outlets. If I had to guess, I would say that we have been consistently corresponding for at least the last ten years or so. Facebook (for all its evils) has made it very easy. My family and I even had a chance to briefly visit Paul and his family a couple of years ago.

Once again, you’re thinking, “Yeah…what about the song?” Be patient, I’m getting to it. In fact, I’m getting to the point. Ha! I kill myself.

The song in question comes from Electric Light Orchestra’s 1986 album Balance Of Power. It was the last album Jeff Lynne released under that name until 2001’s Zoom. Balance Of Power is NOT considered a classic album by many (if any) fans of E.L.O. Truth be told, I’m the only one I know who really likes it. It came out right about the time that my high school girlfriend and I broke up for good. I was also beginning to realize that life was flying by and that things were starting to spin out of control. That may sound a bit melodramatic for someone who was sixteen at the time. However, that is exactly how I felt. Everything that I had planned and wished for were starting to fall apart and I didn’t feel like I could do anything about it.

Up until the middle of my senior year of high school I had wanted to go to UNC and become a teacher. I thought I would teach English (or History) and write books. That is what I dreamed of. The truth was that ever since I changed schools back in seventh grade, my academic life had gone down hill. I had never made anything less than a B until then. When I got my first C in seventh grade, I was devastated. I swore that it would never happen again. By the time I hit tenth grade my interest in school was gone. I still had the dream but I foolishly believed that I could coast along and achieve it with little to no effort. I soon discovered how wrong I was.

That is what I think of when I listen to this song (the entire album actually). I had gotten it through Columbia House (Ya’ll remember them?) and I played it constantly. At the time I was mostly listening to bands like Def Leppard and Whitesnake but hearing Jeff Lynne’s voice reminded me of sixth grade and of all the things that had changed. Even then I understood how important that one year was. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t one of those kids who sat around in the dark feeling depressed all the time. I was pretty carefree. I had a job and I had friends. I did things. I wasn’t at home contemplating suicide or anything like that. However, by the time I reached graduation and realized that I was never going to get into UNC, I was never going to be a teacher, and I was never going to have another girlfriend…well…you could say I was feeling a bit melancholy.

 With the exception of third grade, the last half of my senior year was the worst time of my life. My grandfather died in January and that began my relationship with alcohol. I had experimented some before that but it wasn’t until he died and all of the other things in my life seem to spin out of control that I began to drink regularly. I worked somewhere where alcohol was readily available and there were adults in my life at the time who didn’t mind providing it. When I saw all of my friends getting accepted to college or joining the military and I had absolutely no idea what I was going to do, it only made things worse. The one thing about school that I did like was being in marching band with my friends and for reasons that still baffle me, I dropped out my senior year. I honestly felt like my life was over.

So, when I popped that tape into my boombox (yes…that’s what we called them) and hit play, Jeff Lynne’s voice came booming out (see what I did there) and his lyrics touched me in a way that no others had done before that point.

It’s out of control

Out of control

Spinning softly through the blue now

You look beyond these walls

As the meaning starts to dawn

It’s getting to the point

Getting to the point

It’s out of control (Nothing I can do)

Like a fire that keeps on burning

And nobody knows (What I’m going through)

And the thoughts just keep on turning

And all you had to say

Is that you were gonna stay

It’s getting to the point

It’s getting to the point

I am not exaggerating when I say that he was expressing the thoughts that were in my head. There have been very few songs that totally captured the way I felt at a certain moment and this is one of them.

It’s getting to the point

Where nobody can stop it now

It’s getting to the point

Of no return

And all that I can do

Is stand and watch it now

Watch it burn, burn, burn

Fortunately, when I hear the song now it reminds me that I was able to leave a very dark place in my life. There is still a tinge of sadness when I think about what might have been but I know that I am where I need to be. I used to dream about going back and changing a lot of the things that I did back then. Some of them still haunt me to this day. However, if changing even one of them would prevent me from being where I am today, I’d leave it all alone. I have finally gotten to the point where I have made peace with my past and have moved on.

Grace and peace.